Just broke up with my boyfriend. This isin’t highscool, it’s for good. Ex’s are your ex’s for a reason….and here’s mine…I’ve never felt so unappreciated. I always knew what that word meant, but this feeling gives it a whoooole other definition.
It was going to be a year and throughout this year i tried SO HARD to make things work. I knew his past relationships weren’t really relationships, i knew he didn’t come from a family that expressed their love one another, but i still tried! I tried showing him what love was, what it felt like, and how to express it. Hoping that one day he’ll catch on.
I was always the type to run away from things that became an obstacle but I told myself not this time. I wanted to work hard for him. I put my insecurities, doubts, and problems aside. I sucked it up for HIM. I thought if you really loved someone that you did things like that for the person… put them infront of you. Put all their emotions and wants infront of yours. But I fuckin had it. I couldn’t do it anymore. No matter how much i tried, he just couldnt do it back.
When people say i’m in a “commited” relationship, it means C O M M I T E D. You’re commited to that person. Not only are you loyal to that person, but their life becomes yours. Their your world. I made him my world, but he never did the same.
I drove the usual hour, gridlocked, commute to his house today. (i ALWAYS made the commute to his house. It didn’t bother me. I was always eager just to get there and see him) He promised me a dinner and movie. (one promise he always made but never went through with.) So i get there and see his bestfriend on the couch. I’m COMPLETELY fine with his homies. We always go out as a group, we’re all cool. But thats the thing, they’re ALWAYS there. I never get one on one time with him. I’m a female. I have a vagina. We need those things. I needed/wanted that one on one time with him. So the whole time i was there he was completely ignoring me and having his time with his bestfriend richard. They were practically fucking eachother (well….might as well have).
I know it sounds petty, but i ALWAYS go out of my way for him and regret it at the end. I drove all the time to see him just to be ignored. I’m tired of the promises, I’m tired of getting my hopes up, i’m tired of the regret.
I left the house and when he called to ask what was wrong. I broke down and told him i couldn’t take it anymore. I didn’t want to be with him. And do you know what he said??? All he said was “ok” No fight…nothing. It hurts, it really hurts. To know that a year of your life was wasted on someone who couldn’t care less if you woke up the next morning.
I try my best to be optimistic. So i’m kinda glad this happened. Yes, i wasted a year. But then again… I know it’s not gonna be 2 years =) I’m kinda happy that I can now focus on myself. I need this. There’s a lot of stuff i need to work within myself and a boyfriend just distracted me. It hurts now, but things WILL get better.
Long story short. I dont want to ramble and jinks it. I got a job interview on saturday for an assistant position. Never heard of the guy before but when i googled his name…my oh my. Homie is known in the music business. please baby jesus, let me have this. My heart is racing just thinking about the interview, I’M SO FUCKIN NERVOUS. I moved to La for this EXACT reason and my chance is going to stare me in the face this saturday. If i have to start at the very bottom, so be it!! This is my passion, i need to get this job.